Rad Quest: The Path of Pepperoni
by 2rad4ur'rehat
Summary: script for some homo game we're making
1. Part I

**Rad Quest: The Path of Pepperoni**

And so our tale is set with our heroes at the Rad Mansion, the headquarters for all things wicked and radical, to them at least. A magical place of Jojos, pocket monsters, and of course, hats. It was the end of a long day of doing nothing, but today is Friday, and as per the Rad Rules Friday was pizza day (The best day of the week). But Pizza Shack's site was down, which was very odd considering it was the only pizza place on Mars. Someone would have to call; this would prove to be a challenge as all of the Rad Hats were allergic to social interaction, and so begins our story.  
"JOE THE PIZZA SHACK'S SITE IS DOWN!" Yelled Douglas of Nawlins.  
The Rad Hats gasped in horror.  
Brian said in a fright "That means someone has to, _call it in_."  
"Due to these crippling circumstances a house meeting is in order. RAD HATS ASSEMBLE!" Declared Hat Commander Joe.  
Zach of Equestria, Hat Commander Joe, Sid the "Little Girl", Juan in a Box, Adrian Le Monkey, Devin the Stache, Shredmaster Oscar, Douglas of Zeon, Captain Gabe the Shipless, Tobi the Asian, Brian the Bard, and Kristin the Wielder of the Pen; Together they were The Radical Headwear, or better known as The Rad Hats.  
"Gee gang, someone is going to have to call the pizza place or else our Friday is ruined!" Sid, stating the obvious.  
"You're all a bunch of pussies, I'll just call them." Muttered Juan from the depths of his box. Baby Ruths…  
Juan made a collect call on the Radline, which hadn't been touched in ages due to the fact they only got the phone to get a discount on cable.  
"No dice guys, no one is answering." Said a saddened Juan.  
Gabe clamored. "THIS CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING. THAT VILE WHITE WHALE HAS DESTROYED THE PIZZA SHACK!"  
"Don't be ridiculous, I'm sure they're just busy." Reassured Joe. "We just need to go by the shop to get our cheesy child.  
"FIELD TRIP!" Cried everyone.  
The team assembled into the Radmobile, which was a model RX-78-2 Gundam at one point that some genius decided to convert into a van, they had no idea of the journey that lie ahead of them.

-End of part I-


	2. Part II

**Rad Quest I: The Path of Pepperoni Part II**

We find our heroes rolling up to the crushed wreckage of what once was The Pizza Shack in the Radmobile.  
"SWEET SASAFRASS!" All of the Rad Hats were in a state of shock, staring at the remains of the only pizza place on all of Mars.  
"W-who would do such a horrible thing…" Said Joe in a tone of disbelief.  
"Look at that!" Pointed out Sid the sleuth, "Whoever did this left a note."  
"TrY AN CELebrate pizza day NOW tURBONERDS! Cum 1v1 us on CERberus beach iF U wnt 2 c ur PRECIOUS pizza pie again111!"  
"Whoever did this wasn't too bright, and they reek of fish." Said Tobi.  
"All jokes about Devin's mom aside, this looks to be the work of... Sharks." Expressed Zach, in a worried tone.  
"I doubt that, there are no such things as sharks, they're just a myth." Sid said, being the skeptic he is.  
"Well we had better see what they want from us." Said Joe, gathering everyone back into the Radmobile.  
And so they drove and drove, getting lost twice and running over four toddlers and a ferret on the way to the beach, no thanks to Oscar's navigation skills, which so happened to only be a block away from the Pizza Shack.  
"THIS HERE BE THE BEACH WHERE I LOST ME LEG TO THAT ACCURSED WHITE WHALE IN THE '70S." Said Gabe in a thunderous tone.  
"You were born in 1995 and we've never even been to this beach, plus you still have both of your legs, Gabe." Said Doug, being a party pooper.  
"WHITE WHALE HOLY GRAIL!" Roared Gabe, pointing towards the sea with his rapier.  
"NO, THOSE ARE NO WHALES" Exclaimed Zach. "THOSE ARE SHARKS!"  
Suddenly flopping onto the beach were three sharks, one of them the size of a short bus.  
"OYE M8'S U 'CIDED TA CUM TA OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, WE'LL BASH YE 'EADS IN, I SWARE ON ME MUM!"  
All of the Rad Hats quaked in fear, but not Zach, his hand glowing with an awesome power.  
Zach yelled at the top of his lungs. "PIZZA! I SHALL AVENGE THEE! FOR I AM THE SHARK FIGHTER!"  
Zach pulled from his belt a knife and tied a bandana to his forehead, becoming the entity feared by all sea life.  
"O NOE BOYS ETS 'IM! THE SHARK FIGHTER!"  
Zach said not a word, dispatching the two smaller sharks with ease, stabbing one in the eye and giving the other a roundhouse kick right in the nose causing him to double over in pain before crushing his skull with his fists. He then turned to face the larger of the sharks.  
"P-PLEASE AYE DON' EVEN 'AVE YER PIZZA" Bargained the shark menace.  
"THEN WHO DOES?" Threatened Zach.  
"C-CAPN' AHAB, PLEASE SPARE ME." Cried the shark.  
"THAT CHEEKY BASTARD!" Yelled Gabe. "HE STOLE ME SHIP AS WELL!"  
All of Rad Hat then gathered around the shark and proceeded to slap his shit, in the fray of shit slapping the shark dropped a map, showing on it the location of Ahab's secret lair.  
"Lookie here!" Said Juan, holding up the map.  
"At long last I shall have me vengeance, and pizza." Muttered Gabe the Shipless.

-End of part II-


	3. Part III

**Rad Quest I: The Path of Pepperoni Part III**

We join our heroes on Cerberus Beach just off of the Hadean Sea right after the gang slapped the shit out of some sharks for being dicks.  
"Why can't we just fast travel there?" Asked Adrian.  
"Because then the story would only be a page long and only half as rad Adrian." Explained Devin, ruining the immersion.  
"AVAST! THAR BE A MAP! MAKE HAST AND HAND IT TO ME." Said Gabe in an unusually piratical tone.  
"Gabe, you can't navigate for the life of you and why are you talking like a pirate?" Remarked Sid.  
"IT BE THE BREEZE OF THE SEA LASSY. ALL ABOARD!" Exclaimed Gabe, running towards the Radmobile.  
"NO STOP TH-" Before Doug could get out the last word Gabe had driven the behemoth of a van into the sea, and to everyone's surprise it was as seaworthy as the finest schooner.  
"That thing weighs 42 tons…" Said Joe in disbelief.  
"ANYTHIN' BE POSSIBLE WIT' T'A POWER 'O RUM!" Shouted Gabe  
And thus the Rad Hats were sailing the five seas proudly in their make-shift pirate ship, on the hunt for Capn' Ahab and the great white whale.  
"Guys I don't think I- BLEERRGGHHHH" Tobi um, exploded in statement.  
"Someone open a window it smells like pirate and vomit in here" Begged Kristin  
"T' THA DECK! THAR BE THAT BLASTED WHALE! CAPN' AHAB CAN'T BE TOO FAR OFF" Cried Gabe.  
"Wow that was fast and without conflict." Pointed out Juan.  
Just then the massive seabeast turned to face the ship, charging at it at full speed.  
"NOT AGAIN YA CHUBBY COON" Roared Gabe "MAN THE HARPOONS!"  
Gabe faced the massive whale holding onto a beam saber salvaged from the old Gundam of which the Radmobile was made from.  
"WHITE WHALE, HOLY GRAIL."  
He threw the saber, striking the beast right between the eyes, killing it instantly, but it was too late. The momentum of the whale pushed it forward and though it was dead, its mouth was still wide open, swallowing the "ship" whole. An unbalanced Brian was leaning on the controls and accidentally engaged the Radmobile's flight mode, the wings shooting through the sides of the behemoth while the thrusters flared out of the whale's mouth, propelling them skyward.  
"THIS THING COULD FLY? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE EFFICENT THAN THIS AWFUL SEA TRAVEL" Complained Tobi.  
The half machine half whale carcass soared above the sea raining blood and thunder over the small atolls and islands of the Hadean Sea.  
"So how are we going to find Ahab?" Asked Joe, brining everyone back on track.  
"He be searchin' fer this beast as we be searchin' fer our feast. He shall come to us." Explained Gabe.  
"SHIP HOE!" Yelled Doug, spotting Capn' Ahab's vessel.  
"D-doug senpai. I-I'm right here no need to yell…" Stuttered Sid.  
Gabe tilted the controls, piloting the whale-craft for a crash landing right on the deck of Ahab's ship. The Rad Hats were shaken, but not stirred by the landing, exiting the craft to face the pirate lord and his crew.  
"WHAT BE THE MEANIN' 'F ALL THIS!?" Fumed Ahab, his men surrounding the wreckage.  
Gabe yelled "AHAAAAAAB! I'VE COME FER ME SHIP, AND OUR PIZZA!"  
"YER TOO LATE" Mocked Ahab "WE ALREADY FENCED YER PRECIOUS PIE ON LE MONKEY SKULL ISLAND!"  
The Rad Hats gasped, Le Monkey Skull Island was a place of horror, and monkeys.  
"THEN I'LL BE TAKING ME SHIP BACK!" Gabe said, leering at the captain.  
"RAD HATS ASSEMBLE!" Hat Commander Joe called.  
The Rad Hats fought with ferocity, charging at the undead pirates with an awesome force while Gabe the Shipless faced off against Capn' Ahab. Stab after stab of his rapier piercing the pirate lord, parrying each blow, taking a grazing hit from his cutlass before bringing the captain to his knees.  
"Me only regret is not drinkin' more rum and pleasin' more wenches arr.." Sighed the captain with his final breath.  
The Rad Hats defeated the merciless pirates, tossing the lifeless husks off of the ships for the sharks to feast upon.  
They set sail for Le Monkey Skull island, singing shanties and drinking plenty of mead and taking their share of plunder as the sailed into the sunset.

-End of part III-


End file.
